A reader!

We had parent teacher conferences this past week and all three kids got wonderful reports once again! We were so proud of all three of them and how well they are doing in school. Miles' teacher told us she thought Miles would be reading soon. This kind of surprised us, mostly because both of the girls were reading near the end of kindergarten I think, so I hadn't even thought about starting to work with Miles yet on reading. But neither of the girls had 4k either so maybe that's why! We went to the library 4 or 5 days after our conferences and I checked out some early reader books that I figured I'd sit and read with Miles. After we got home we sat down to read - and he pretty much read the book to me! He needed some help with the longer words and help sounding out a few he didn't know, but mostly read through the whole book. It's funny now because over the past few months he would occasionally point to a word around the house or on a box and say it and I would say something like, "How did you know that word?" and he would just shrug and I would figure he must have seen it before. I'm sure we'll be reading the easy readers for a long time still, but I am so excited for him to be able to read! I still remember when I learned to read and how excited I was. I remember the first book I read through all by myself and reading it over and over to anyone who would listen (I still have the book, too!) I have loved reading ever since and I have enjoyed watching the girls discover the joy that reading can bring. What fun!! Hooray for Miles!

Winter Survival.

We are so ready to be out playing in the yard, but it appears we'll have to wait a few more weeks (or so?) Here is how we are curbing the cabin fever (barely):

Playing lots of Rescue Bot Transformers

Wesley spends lots of time at the bathroom sink, usually with Buzz and Woody.

Drawing/coloring at the kitchen table.

 

Playing with snow on a cookie sheet.

Playing in the snow in the front or back yard.

Doing stunts.

Pulling faces.

 

Being Batman and Robin (or usually- Batman and Batman)

Lots of Play-doh. Nora and Wesley both love the play-doh.

Nora sewing.

Taking videos of the kids and then letting them watch themselves.

And singing with dad at the piano.

In Michigan I could count on being outside to play by St. Patrick's day, but that isn't looking very promising here this year. But honestly I would be happy with 40 degree weather! We still have giant snow banks and it's been in the 30's. Boo! Hurry Spring!!

Birthday Boy!

Miles turned 5 this month and has been SO excited for his birthday. Everyone else in the family has birthdays between May and September so he was pretty anxious to have his birthday come. Ever since Wesley's birthday in September we've been telling him when it's winter and after Christmas it will be his birthday. He started counting down on the calendar about two weeks before, every day telling me how many days until his birthday. He wanted to open his presents right away so we let him open one right after breakfast:

 He has watched the videos of this hotwheel track set on youtube dozens of times so I was pretty excited to find it in the after Christmas clearance section at Target! He (and Wesley) were both pretty excited about it! He was so sweet to Wesley, the track came with 18 cars and right away Miles said Wesley could have some of them. Awww. We decided to let him choose something fun to do as a family and he chose.... Chuck E. Cheese! We had some friends from Michigan, the Allee family,  looking for homes here who are moving here this spring and they came with us. It was crazy busy at Chuck E. Cheese, but Miles had a great time. We came home and had Rescue Bot cake!

 I love that my girls love decorating cakes because then all I have to do is make it and let them do it! I'm not a cake decorator. In fact every birthday I think the cake is a waste of time.... the kids mostly eat the ice cream and take 2 bites of the cake and are done! Brian and I each had a piece and the rest went down the garbage disposal (which is why I need my Michigan neighbors to deliver it to!) But you've got to have a birthday cake, right!? He also opened two more gifts after cake - the Rescue Bots Chase and Blades. Now he and Wesley have all 4 from Season 1 (which is all they have seen because we have Netflix) They have been playing with them a lot! So fun.

 And he did love the cake! So I guess it was worth it. :)

My cute little birthday boy! A few things about Miles at 5 years old:

* He loves Batman, Rescue Bot Transformers & is still hanging on to Thomas the train although he doesn't play with his trains that much anymore.... sad!

* He loves school!

* When he thinks something is funny he laughs so hard he can barely breathe and it makes the rest of us laugh hard, too.

* He does not want to take swimming lessons! I've been trying to sign him up for a few years but he always refuses. He is like me and afraid of the water I guess.

* He is a good big brother to Wesley.

* He is good at computer games and loves his daily computer time!

* He loves when he gets to sleep in the girls room on Friday nights and usually asks a few times each week if he can sleep in there. 

* Sophie and Nora read to him often at bedtime and he loves that.

While we were at Chuck E. Cheese there were some friends from our ward there and they had a bunch of extra circus tickets for that night so Brian ended up taking Sophie, Nora and Miles to the circus from 7 - 10pm. They had a great time with dad. What a great birthday!

Valentine's Day

I didn't take many pictures of Valentine's Day. We did have pink heart shaped pancakes for breakfast and I fixed Nora's hair in a heart as she requested:

 

The kids all had parties at school and luckily they had finished their valentine's that weekend. They all had a great time at their parties. Brian was able to be home for most of the day as well, he taught his class and then came home.  Even though it was a difficult day we were glad to be together. He decided to organize our photos/videos on our computer and back them up on a hard drive and a website for me for Valentine's day. Yay! Our computer is about 7 years old and although it works well, it doesn't hold my 10's of thousands of pictures and still run smoothly! :) So he has spent a lot of time doing that, in fact he is still working on it! I think we have 70,000 pictures downloading to an external hard drive so it's a big job. And the next day he accidentally deleted ALL of our home videos without backing them up. Luckily his older brother helped him out (thanks Toph!) and it seriously took Brian almost the entire day to get them back, but he did. Phew!

Some good friends from church brought us a great dinner that night and we just spent the evening being together and making each other Valentine's - thanks to Nora - who made us all Valentine bags and wrote us each a note and then told us all to do the same. The girls spent some time using their new ice skates out on our driveway! I found some ice skates for $2.50 each at the thrift store and the girls were super excited to use them but the day I took them to the ice skating pond it was closed. Luckily the driveway works pretty well!

The night before Valentine's day we got heart attacked by the young women of our ward. It was fun and the kids were pretty excited to have hearts all over our front door! I think Valentine's Day is fun because it gives you an extra reason to make the people you love feel even more loved! And who doesn't like that?

A different plan

This picture was taken last Sunday, February 11th (2 days before my 18 week mark) and on Monday I went in for a doctors appointment and found out our little baby was no longer alive. The nurse tried to find the heartbeat for about 2 minutes and I knew right away that something was wrong because it shouldn't take that long at 18 weeks. She thought the baby was just lying in a hard position so she went to get the doctor to bring in the ultrasound machine. Before she left the room I asked if I was measuring on schedule and she said I was measuring about 16 1/2 weeks. I knew this was also not good. I usually measure right on time until the last few months. I started crying when she left the room because I was sure the ultra sound machine would not show good news. The doctor came in and used the ultrasound to look at the baby and try to find the heartbeat. She had the screen turned away from me but it was taking too long and I think she was probably trying to find the right words to break the news. I asked if everything was okay and she said she was still looking for the heartbeat. I started crying harder and she knew that I knew so she turned the screen to me and said she was sorry but the baby didn't have a heartbeat and wasn't moving. She was very kind and told me my options were to schedule a D&C, wait it out or use some pills called mesoprostol to induce a miscarriage. I told her I'd think about it and call her back, then I left and called Brian, picked up the boys from a friend and went home.

It has been amazing to look back at the last few weeks and see how the Lord had helped prepare me to handle this. Ever since my appointment last time when I found out about the subchorionic hematoma I have tried to be cautious with this pregnancy, telling myself this could be the outcome. In my daily prayers I felt impressed to pray for strength to face whatever may come. And after 4 babies and 2 previous miscarriages (although much earlier at 8 and 10 weeks) I know my body pretty well and it had been giving me signs that all wasn't well. I wasn't nearly as tired as usual, my face had broken out (which never happens when I'm pregnant), and I hadn't felt the baby's kicks and pokes (and I had with the other kids by this time). On Saturday I thought I'd felt some movement but I told Brian it didn't feel the same as the other kids - more of a rolling movement than a little kick. I had been telling Brian for a week or so that I was nervous about this appointment and I actually considered going in to the doctor the Thursday before because I just felt like something was wrong. But I decided to wait because there wasn't any reason I could give the doctor that I needed to be seen besides the feeling I had. Despite all this I kept hoping that I would go and find out everything was okay. Brian felt bad that he wasn't there with me but I hadn't asked him to come and I know that he would have if I had asked.

I decided to use the mesoprostol because I didn't want to have a D&C, and I had used it before at my 10 week miscarriage between Nora and Miles. My doctor had me go up to the hospital for an ultrasound so they could determine the baby's size and see if they wanted me to stay there while they induced the miscarriage or if I would be able to do it at home (Brian was at home with our four kids and the two boys I babysit in the afternoon). They found the baby measured smaller than what it should have (which was why I measured smaller) so I was able to come home. The ultrasound tech was so sweet and gave me a big hug. I picked up the prescription on the way home and although the doctor had told me to start it that night but it had been such a long day I knew I needed a good nights rest to get through it, so I chose to wait until morning.  Brian was able to stay home on Tuesday and although the doctor said it could take a few days, by the end of the day I was recovering. It's impossible to put to words what it was like for Brian and I to go through this together. To see and hold the tiny baby boy that would have been part of our family. It was heartbreaking. But also amazing and spiritually strengthening to experience together. And I am more in awe of the miracle of life then ever before.

We did not look forward to telling the kids. Especially the girls. We'd already told them once that we'd lost this baby and knew that Sophie especially would have a hard time. We told them on Monday night and gathered them together for Family Home Evening. We talked about Heavenly Fathers plan and how he is mindful of us and knows what is best for our family. We told them it wasn't in Heavenly Father's plan for us to bring a baby in to our family right now. The girls were pretty sad and teary but we had the boys to distract us all by being oblivious. Miles was sad for about 2 seconds and then wanted Family Night treats. And although Wesley was clueless he was was such a comfort to me by saying "Why you cwying?" and "No you be sad" and giving me lots of snuggles.


Something that I really struggled with a lot throughout the week was whether or not this baby would be part of our eternal family. I did not think so with my other two miscarriages and I didn't think so with this one either. I feel like the Lord wouldn't send spirits to these tiny bodies who never have a chance to live. But some well meaning friends sent me e-mails or messages and told me that they had had spiritual experiences where they knew the babies they'd lost, at around the same time or earlier than mine at 18 weeks, were part of their eternal families and it made me start to think about it and wonder. I was really struggling as to why other people would have these experiences and I wouldn't. I was finally able to accept that maybe every situation is different and after hearing from some good friends who also feel the same way that I feel I was able to get some closure and be at peace with this. Brian and I both feel that it just wasn't the right time for this baby boy to join our family. I know I would probably feel differently had I been further along and I do not judge anyone on how they feel about this. I just know how I feel and what the spirit has helped me to know for our family.

I  am now recovering pretty well. We have literally been bombarded by our wonderful ward members (and a few other friends not in our ward) with dinners, treats, calls and offers to watch the kids. Brian's faculty sent a beautiful flower arrangement and offered to teach his class for him. It has been incredible and we feel very blessed and loved by so many people here. We are so grateful to everyone who sent prayers our way. We have complete trust in the Lord and know He is mindful of us and of our desire to have another baby join our family. We hope that in time this will be able to happen. Meanwhile we will enjoy the four wonderful children we have already! Even through this trial we can't help but look at all that we have and know we are incredibly blessed.

This is my dream home

We've been in our home now for about 7 months.... and I love it! But every room I go in I have this mental record of all the things I want to do to that room to make it better, prettier, more functional, etc. {pinterest does not help this} and in the last few weeks it's kind of made it so I've been enjoying our home a bit less because it's not living up to the pictures in my head of what it could be. My newest dream is to put in butcher block counter tops, a white farmhouse sink and paint our cabinets white in the kitchen. A few nights ago after the kids went to bed I ran to the grocery store and on the way home this question popped in to my head, "Even if you had $2,000 to spend on the kitchen, would you choose that over taking the kids on an awesome vacation?" And I didn't even hesitate in answering myself, "No! Of course not. I'd pick an amazing family vacation over an updated kitchen any day!" It was a great moment for me because I realized that although I'll never stop dreaming of all the things I want to do to the house, it isn't as important to me as I was beginning to think it was! And the reality is we are a big family living on one moderate income, paying off our student loans and doing our best to save money where we can. We've chosen this life. To live on a tight budget so I can stay home with our kids. And even though I have dreams of beautiful rugs and farmhouse sinks and big kitchen tables and new carpets and new couches - all of it would mean nothing to me without these four:

because they are what make this my dream home.

There was a Christmas card...

I did actually print a Christmas card this year.... and I wrote the letter.... and I even bought the stamps! But they never made it in to the mail. I could blame it on being sick and pregnant and the kids being sick and a host of other things. But the simple truth is that I looked at 3 different stores for envelopes to fit my cards and couldn't find any! Lame! But I did learn a valuable lesson - next year I am just going to order cards somewhere that will also send envelopes with them. So to give myself peace of mind and allow me to throw my stack of cards that were never mailed in the recycling bin and move on with my life, I am going to post it on here so it will at least be recorded! So here it is. 

Merry Christmas!

Christmas letter 2012:

 2012 has been an exciting year for our family. We have lived in Monona, Wisconsin now for about 15 months and we are finding that it’s a pretty great place to live! Some things we’ve enjoyed doing this year are going to the zoo, walking to the many parks that are close by, going to the library, walking down by the lake, fishing (well – the kids do the fishing), playing games, riding bikes & roller blading and just being together. Two pretty big things happened this year. We bought our first home and we got a puppy! We felt very blessed to find our home just a block from where we were renting. We really wanted to stay in the same neighborhood and school district and we found the perfect home for us and moved here in June. We’ve had our puppy, Scooter, since February and he is now a big part of our family. There were a few times of regret (puppies are SO much work!) but we all love him and are glad he is ours. He is very patient with the kids and very loving, he hates to see anyone crying! He was worth all the work of the first 5 months.

Brian does his best to keep up with all the demands on his time. He is enjoying his work at UW Madison and is a great professor to many students and is always working on multiple research projects. He is in our church bishopric and busy with the demands of serving in that calling which he enjoys, and we are grateful he is a part of that right now. He's also a great home teacher who puts every effort in to every family on his list (and last I heard there were 13 on there!) He also makes the time to be a wonderful husband and father. The kids all count down the minutes until daddy gets home from work (mommy, too!) and he is usually attacked loved by all four of them and the dog before he even takes off his coat! Yep, we’re lucky!

I love being able to stay at home with the kids and wear my pajamas every day. In fact, if I put on “regular clothes” Scooter automatically knows we are going on a walk or he is going in his kennel because it means we’re leaving! I stay busy with all the demands of motherhood, which I love. Between dance, girl scouts, activity days, play-dates, volunteering at the school, keeping the house clean, the laundry done and everyone fed it can be a bit crazy at times, but I wouldn’t want to be doing anything else. I have a calling at church that I’ve never had before, the Primary Chorister, and I’ve found that I absolutely love it! It’s so fun to play and sing with the sweet kids in primary each week. If I actually have a few minutes to myself I can usually be found reading, sewing doll clothes for the girls' dolls or looking at pinterest! I am looking forward to gardening this spring.

Sophie is in 4^th grade and is doing well in all areas, especially reading. This girl loves to read and is usually in the middle of 2 or 3 books at a time. Her current favorite reads are The Secret Garden and Harry Potter (she just finished number 5). She is growing up quick and is loving the benefits of being the oldest. She now gets to walk home from school by herself (luckily it’s only 3 blocks!) But mom still watches anxiously out the window every day J.  She loves nature and research and currently wants to be a wildlife biologist when she grows up. She is hilarious and a great big sister and can be very helpful if she’s in the right mood!

Nora is in 2^nd grade and doing well also, especially in Math. When Sophie is in bed reading, Nora is in bed with a notebook and pencil writing out her own math problems! She loves creating and crafting and can’t seem to sit still for more than a few moments at a time. She loves to climb things and be outside, which has been a challenge for mom during the winter months! Nora is tenderhearted and very loving. She needs lots of hugs and cuddles from mom and dad. She adores Care Bears – especially her Birthday Bear Teddy that Great Grandma Betty made for mom when she was a little girl. Nora and Teddy are never far apart when she’s home. Nora loves to sew as well and is often sewing up little sleeping bags, hair things, pillows and clothes for all the kids’ toys. She is very generous and sweet.

Miles is in 4k and goes to school ½ day every day of the week. He even rides the bus now and thinks it’s pretty great! He loves school and his teacher always gives us glowing reports on his behavior and academics at school. He loves his cars and hotwheel sets and Batman and his newest obsession is Transformer Rescue Bots. Miles looks forward every day to his computer game time, and taking it away is a very successful discipline tool J. He is funny and sweet and loves his sisters! He and Wesley love to play together and can often be found playing legos, cars or trains together. He can hardly wait for his birthday in February!

Wesley is an adventure every day! He is loveable and feisty and he pretty much runs the household…. don’t most 2 year olds? He is funny and adorable and we all strive for his love and attention. He says such funny things that make us laugh and has a killer smile. He is finally getting used to being in Nursery at church (only after 10 months…) and now only cries for the first 10 minutes instead of the first hour. He loves all the things Miles loves and he and Scooter are pretty good buddies! Some classic Wesley sayings are: “Me so yunny!” , “Me freak out!” , “Go way!” , “Don’t you do dat!”, “Me yuv you too”, “ Me want daddy!” and “Boo boy cooter”. There is never a dull moment with Wesley in the family.

We feel so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives and we hope that this Christmas season finds your homes, hearts and families full of love and the spirit of our Savior Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas from our family to yours!